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Book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts (Download-PDF-Book Review-Online Reading)

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  • Paperback: 208 pages  
  • Publisher: Northfield Publishing; Stated First Edition; Second Printing edition (January 1, 2015)
  • Language: English

 

Book Review: 5 Languages Love. The Secret of Love That Lasts, by Gary Chapman

Languages 5 Love: Noise or Hope?
The secret of love continues
Why after another relationship book?
In "Love Languages 5" author Dr. Gary Chapman asks:

"How is it that we read online" 101 ways to express love for your husband, "select two or three that look particularly useful, try them, and our husband does not even recognize the effort?"

He answers this question in the first few chapters and continues to provide practical solutions.

The premise of five languages of the Book of Love:

The euphoric experience "in love" of romantic obsession lasts on average for two years. As she wears, many collapse relationships under defeat crushed expectations, wound words, irony resentment.
Traditionally, couples at this stage either split-up or continue to misery did not materialize. (Nothing new yet, this is widely recognized to be true.)
A third option, supported by modern research, is to choose to love each other.
We all have different emotional love languages, ways to express and feel love. The husband and wife rarely speak the same language.
We only really know our partner's love for us when expressed in our basic love language. If your man understands Greek only, there is a small point in telling him in French how much you love him. Repeat it as often and as loud as you want, and it still will not get it.
So the secret is to learn to speak the basic love language of your leg.
Example. You always feel loved when your man services are small for you, like filling your car with gas. You naturally assume he is the same. Even showing your love by welcoming him back from work to a home is nice.

However, speaking in a different language of love occurs. His real need is emotional support rather than domestic support. So while he will surely appreciate the square arranged, he may not recognize it remotely as an expression of your love. At best, maybe intellectually recognized, but still unable to feel them at a deep emotional level.

He feels unloved lonely because you do not speak his language, and gradually grow cold. You feel frustrated and unappreciated, and eventually, give up on him. And all because you're cleaning the house instead of listening to his dreams!

We tend to speak our basic love language, and we become confused when our husband does not understand what we communicate. We express our love, but the message does not come through because we are talking about what, to them, is a foreign language
Save love full tank
The basic humanitarian needs are to feel loved. To be known, dear to whom we really are, mistakes and all. Many people in long-term relationships have only a fleeting impression of this precious situation. Unfortunately, the last time we felt safe in this way were small children.

With a full love of the tank, the man will thrive and reach his full potential. Man and your partner. Learning to speak his language of love will go a long way towards filling his love of the tank.

We should be prepared to learn the basic marital love language if we are to communicate effectively from love
Languages 5 Love
The author describes five languages. Of course, humans being monsters, each language of love has a number of "dialects".

Here is a quick overview of the languages, and some of the dialects:

1. Words of confirmation
Courtesy
"I was the most attractive sex in the party"

Encouraging words
"I know you are worried about starting evening classes, you should not be, you will kill it, I am right behind you."

Good words
"This really hurt me, but I'm glad you apologized, let's put it behind us." Instead of "You are such a scoundrel, my mother was right! I will not forgive you!"

Modest words
"Can you wear your favorite summer dress one night this holiday?" Instead of "You do not really wear that night you?"

2. Quality time
The key is to focus and attention on your partner. Watching a movie together does not count. And then discuss it.

Good conversation
This includes listening to empathy, but also opening up and disclosing your deepest beliefs and feelings.

Quality activities
"She is not a fan of Arctic monkeys but she came willingly to the concert because she loves me."

3. Receive gifts
This is a loving reminder. If this is your husband's love language, the cost of gifts will be nothing compared to the amount of goodwill and affection you will receive in return.

A gift of self
Being there, physically present, when needs you.

4 - Service works
Help, do things for him. Sure, some work hardly counts, and some will fill his love of the tank in an instant. You may spend five hours cleaning the garage and it hardly recognizes your business. After spending five minutes on the phone renew the insurance on his car and you will have a dude happy one!

5. Physical touch
Certainly not limited to an erotic touch, this may range from resting your hand on his shoulder as you pour coffee, for a precautionary pressure at a time of crisis. Again, not all touches are equal. He gets a report on what works and what does not.

How do you find his / her love language?
Simply reading chapters and stories may well reveal your love languages. For me, although the only insight is that the gift receipt was in the last place (my wife's credit card was celebrated!).

If you are unclear, then there are some exercises and tests you can try:

What does he do or say (or do not do or say) that hurt you more?
What are you trying, or want to change about?
How to express love. It may be the same way you crave to get it.
If you can only choose to receive "Language 1" or "Language 2", who will it be? For example, he can only hold your hand in public places, or fold laundry.
There are suggestions and other stories in the last few chapters, questions, and answers, and finally a quiz of the 5 Love Languages® profile for couples.

What then?
At the end of each chapter are tips and action plans. These are simple but powerful. If you actually follow through them, your relationship can not fail to improve.

Style and public
This book is very easy to read. You will feel like a wise friend going through hard-earned wisdom. The book is filled with stories of couples who have failed. I'm afraid I've known myself a few times - I'm sure you will too.

A couple at any stage of their relationship will find it helpful (unless they deal with a crisis like an infidelity). If you are just starting out, it may help you avoid mistakes. (Although you are like my younger personality, no doubt you think you are different, I still remember sitting in a restaurant, talking to my idealistic wife in the future, thinking "Look at these two frames, a battle and it sinks silently, this will not happen to us. "Hey boy!" But it will really resonate with those who have just realized that relationships, after the honeymoon, are difficult.

How can I use it?
My wife and I read this on holiday together, chapter by day. Literally together. Put together, take turns to hold it, and discuss it as we went. The experience was all interconnected, one of the highlights of the holiday. But there were a few moments to face. To discover that certain gestures of love we had been making for years had not been noticed and appreciated by the other was hard!

Later, I needed a few months of reflection and revision, with the help of workouts in the book, before I began to understand what I really "needed" from my wife. Of course, if I did not know myself, what was the opportunity to understand my needs? My first idea (sex!), Changed several times until I settled with some confidence in my real love basic language (quality time).

In the end, I wrote it all in a brochure for my wife. Guide me loving me. This sounds terribly unromantic, but this is exactly the point - romance is not enough.

Criticism
I was puzzled where sex fits in the physical touch language. After several re-readings, I have doubts the author is not clear in his mind on this.

Most men will put sex before food, rest and praise. Good sex is not in itself enough for a fulfilling marriage, but it is certainly an essential part. If you do not have a deep sexual connection, then you are not lovers and life partners, you are friends. (I am saying this although my basic love language is certainly a physical touch.)

My suggestion is to exclude sex when looking at the physical touch as the language of love. Love is considered making something necessary in addition to speaking its basic love language. Of course, the more you learn the language of love each other, the more complete your love tanks will be, the better the sex will be.

There is a focus on isolating only one love language. I feel that all expressions of love have value, and the other languages should not be neglected altogether.

I can nit-pick around some dialects. "Type words" and "humble words", it seems to me, are just emotional intelligence and basic communication skills. Necessary for a good marriage, but not separate languages love.

The religious and moral convictions of the author are more pronounced in the last chapter. If you do not share it, please do not leave this detracting from the value in the rest of the book.

Finally, I would like to point out that the academic community has shown little interest in testing Chapman's ideas. There is no real evidence against or against (citation).

The secret (to the love that continues)?
Is it worth the subtitle? Well, I certainly think it's one of the secrets. My marriage improved after following some suggestions. Millions of people agree with me. The book is # 1 New York Times best-selling, Amazon # 1 best-selling, and has a 10,000 5-star Amazon review! If you ever read one relationship book together, 5 love languages must be a strong competitor.

Over the past year, many couples have been mentioning that they have read five languages of love (Chapman, G; 2015). That's what prompted me to read it myself, so I could form my mind about whether this book could be useful for couples who are struggling, or those who want to improve a positive relationship already.

The author of books, a relationship consultant, has an educational background that includes anthropology, religious education, and philosophy. The purpose of the book is to help people show love to their spouses in the ways they will be received. It is based on the premise that, as there are different verbal languages around the world, there are also different "love languages" and if we do not talk the same one as our husband it is likely that we do not hear our love letters, nor do we receive them.

The book distinguishes between the experience of 'in love' (2 2 years) characterized by euphoria that gives a false sense of intimacy, of "true love" which is deliberate and requires the option to do something for your partner. For "true love" to flourish, the author believes that you should be able to communicate, or work, under the basic love language of your partner. The five love languages are confirmation words, quality time, receiving gifts, service works, physical touch.

The five love languages are easy to read, relatively short, and provide examples and exercises that may be useful to readers. The book highlights that the actions we may take to show our love for our partner are not necessarily as intended, reminding the reader that people experience the world differently. This can be an important concept when trying to understand the needs and feelings of our partners.

Defining your basic love language and your partners, accordingly, may increase the positive interactions in the relationship. Instead, the book may be useful in finding multiple ways to show your love for your partner.

At least, love languages do not suggest five actions that would be harmful to couples, as they encourage readers to explore the needs of their partner. However, it does not lack empirical evidence, with little research to support the idea that each of us has a basic love language (Polk, D & Ambret, N; 2013) and its effectiveness in addressing a variety of relationship difficulties. This book may provide practical solutions for some, although it may not be sufficient to help with the most complex relationship challenges, such as treason or communication difficulties.

References

Chapman, G. (2015). Languages of love 5. The secret of love that lasts. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.

Polk, D. & Egbert, N. (2013). Talking Language of Love: Whether Chapman (1992) claims to stand on a test pilot. Journal of Open Communication, 7, 1-11.

More than 11 million copies were sold
# 1 New York Times bestseller for 8 years in a row
- Now celebrating its twenty-fifth anniversary
Simple thoughts, constant love
Getting into love is easy. Stay in love, this is a challenge. How can you maintain your new and growing relationship amid demands and struggles, the just ordinary boredom of daily life?
In # 1 New York Times best-selling books 5 love languages, you will discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships around the world. Whether your relationship is booming or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman's approach is proven to show and receive the love that helps you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner - starting today.
Languages Love 5 is as practical as insightful. Updated to reflect the complexities of today's relationships, this new edition reveals fundamental facts and applies relevant wisdom, and is feasible in business ways.
Includes a personalized personal assessment of the couple so you can discover the language of your love and that of your loved one.

Editorial Reviews Gary Chapman

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About the author
Gary Chapman - author, speaker, consultant - has a passion for people and help them form lasting relationships. He is the first best-selling author of the 5-language languages series and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world delivering seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations.

More about the author Gary Chapman
Biography
Gary Chapman--author, speaker, and counselor--has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages® series and the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary Travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations.

For more information, visit 5lovelanguages.com or follow him on Twitter @DrGaryChapman

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